It’s the first of May, and that means Mother’s Day will soon be here.  This month will be a busy one for us because it is also the month that JD graduates high school. There is a lot of emotion around this event – a lot of celebration – and a lot of work.

This morning, I received a text message from JD’s step mom. She is working on something and asked for my input.  It made me think about mothers and their roles in life.  You see, my son has been blessed with a wonderful step mom.  She excels in areas that I don’t, and I believe that JD has had the best of both worlds in the two of us.  In some ways we are very different.  We have different personalities, different things we like to do as hobbies, different ways of looking at things.  But we have one great thing in common – our love for our son.  Yes, I said “our son”.

You see, being a great parent will take being the most unselfish you have ever been – but I believe being a parent or step parent to a child of divorce takes an even greater level of unselfishness.  There are no awards handed out for sharing holidays, birthdays, and major events in a child’s life. There are countless memories made that you aren’t a part of.  You’re only half of your child’s world. You love someone more than anyone else in this world, and you have to be willing to do what is best for them – even when it straight sucks for you.  Yes, I said it – sometimes what is best for a child does not feel like what is best for a parent.

And I can’t even imagine being her.  By default, people seem to downplay the importance of her role.  For some reason people still have a hard time believing that a child can have a wonderful mom and still have a wonderful step mom.  That there doesn’t have to be one or the other.  I don’t have to be absent for her to be involved.  She doesn’t have to be a step monster, because I am in his life.  People ask her questions about other children, and claim she can’t really understand what it’s like to love a child of her own – because she doesn’t have a child of her own.  <—- That never fails to really make me irritated.  So what you’re saying is – because a person didn’t give birth to a child, they can’t love them? Yeah, that’s crap.  When they ask for his mom, they will always look for me…and that is a feeling that would have to be hard.  It would have to be hard to stand there and know all the love, time, effort, financial resources, tears, discipline….you know – all the mom-ing that takes place to raise a child….that you’ve done, and still there some who would claim you don’t know what it’s like to be a “real mom”.

It’s the month of Mother’s Day, and I am thankful for her. When he walks across the stage and accepts his diploma this month, and one day graduates college, when we one day share the role as “mother of the groom”, when we get called “grandma” or “granny” or whatever other name our grandkids will call us, when we stand by and watch as he accomplishes his dreams – I will know.  I will know that he wasn’t just blessed with my love and support, or his dad’s love and support, but he was blessed with her love and support – and while he might look like his dad, or have my smile, he is who is because of her influence and love just as much as anything we have contributed.

I am his mother.  I cried over him. Prayed over him. Wiped his eyes. Held his hand. Disciplined him. Encouraged him. Pushed him. Loved him. She has done all of those same things. Mothers.

Happy Mother’s Day month – to all the mamas who are just doing what they do and unselfishly loving the children their lives have been blessed with.

It’s a beautiful life.