I didn’t get up this morning intending on starting a new blog.  For months, I’ve found it hard to write – hard to find the words that are in my heart, and commit them to paper….or rather, the internet. There has been a struggle within myself, and honestly, it’s not a struggle I’ve very familiar with at all.  You see, I am a content person.  I find happiness in everyday joys, count my blessings, and look for the good in just about all situations.  That is why I think I’ve been at a loss to describe this feeling.  It’s a restlessness.  It’s being honest about wanting something different…something more.  It’s wrestling with the fact that I believe we all have our unique gifts, talents, and abilities and we have a responsibility to use them, but wondering if I am using mine to the fullest of my potential.  I have to venture to say that if I am asking myself that question, the answer is no. If the answer is no, then why not?

It’s a longing unfulfilled.  For what?  Well that is what I have been asking myself. When I look at my life, I see that I am blessed and fortunate.  I am never far from remembering where I came from, and being even more thankful for where I am today.  Sometimes – you get so wrapped up in where you came from, and how where you are is better than you could have imagined, that you feel guilty for wanting something more.  Or, at least, I do.

In one year (one year and 5 days to be exact), my son will graduate high school. He will be off to pursue his dreams, and I have been encouraging him to do just that – pursue them with all he has in him. I encourage him to seek God, trust in Him, and to remember that we all have something unique to contribute – something only we can bring into the lives of others. And somehow in all of that, I started reminding myself of the same.  Suddenly, this life of contentment feels restless.

Can you be content and restless at the same time?  Yes, I think you can.  I think you can be content in where you are today, but restless and excited for the future.  I think you can absolutely be thankful for all you have, but seek more – to be more – to do more with what you were given.

What does this mean for me?  Well, right now it simply means trying to find the words for where I am. It means seeking God first, asking Him to settle my heart with where I am supposed to be, and trusting that He has all the details worked out.  It’s trusting that He will be faithful to complete what He started in my life.  It’s believing that if He called me to it, He has already placed in me what I need to see it accomplished.  It’s relentlessly pursuing Him.  It’s deciding to stop using my blessings as an excuse to not pray big for my life, believe big, and see big things come to fruition. It’s a little scary and even more exciting.

In looking for a picture to put on this blog, I was drawn back to the one of me at the beach last year. If you look over the water, you’ll see the storm clouds. If you look behind me, you can see the light of the sun coming up. It reminds me that even when we walk through uncertain times, or feel unsettled, He is still there guiding us. You can either looks towards the storm, or look towards the Son. I can either look at all the ways I might fail, or look towards Him to guide the way.  I know where my eyes are set.

Philippians 1:6 – being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Restlessly content. Relentlessly pursuing Him.